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Featured Article by: Karen Hourtovenko from Life Zone Coaching and Consulting

Dr. Karen Hourtovenko - Life Zone Coaching and Consulting

Karen Hourtovenko

We live in a world where many complain and look to blame others for their misfortunes in life. Sadly, feeling justified in seeing others as the problem and playing a victim is all to often the environment that we live and work in.

You see it ‘s easy to look at others and say, “you are the problem!” The problems and complaints will only continue in other situations and with others. We see this in organizations and relationships. One would think as human we would know how to get along…. But sadly it seems at times that we are far from human.

How we respond to each other appears to be almost animalistic, not caring about the other and only one. You see when we care about ourselves, we see others as objects and not people. When we can sit back and see those around us as people, them we treat them with respect and see the situation from their perspective as well as our own. When we see others as objects, the fight of flight response takes over, protecting ourselves at all costs.

In these situations we justify our stance to be right and the making sure the other person is wrong. Conflicts happen only when someone is blaming another and the other feels like he/she has to justify actions or position, with an outcome that causes more blame.

Whether at home or in the workplace, it is clear that changes will never happen until we take ownership of our own behavior and actions. It is then and only then will life outcomes change. Now I am not saying that you condone someone else’s controlling tactics or abusive behavior. How you react, in your response give you the ability to change.

To change others you must first change yourself. Think about an interaction with your child that didn’t go well. How did you react? Did you feel the child/youth didn’t respect you? Ok, well maybe the child did not. But let me ask you another question, did you respect the child/youth? You see what you give you get back. In the workplace it can be the same. Does your boss respect you? I guarantee that if you feel like you are not respected at work then you do not respect your boss? If you don’t feel respected then you probably will not do a good job. The boss then may feel justified in treating you with less respect and the cycle continues. Maybe you are the boss and on the receiving end of lack of respect. Well after all you pay you give your employees a job, they should be grateful, right? Wrong.

Who wants to work for someone with that attitude? They will work for you but you will not get their full potential because of your attitude. Are you getting the picture? We all have 100 % responsibility to the relationships we are in. It takes great courage to stop and look at the situation from a “what can I do in this case” and not “he/she needs to make the change.” Conflicts are preventable when the blame game stops.

Take a look at work and home and think about the other person as a person, it is the first step in becoming a person of influence and finding peace at work and home.

Karen Hourtovenko - Nurse Practitioner, Certified Master Life Coach, MBA, Psy. B  – Life Zone Coaching and Consulting

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