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Can actions and thinking take us down the wrong track of life?

Featured Article by: Karen Hourtovenko from Life Zone Coaching and Consulting

Dr. Karen Hourtovenko - Life Zone Coaching and Consulting

Karen Hourtovenko

I spend numerous hours reading books on how to grow to be the best that a person to be. I read for myself and I read for others. Life can be a journey of happiness, but for so many it is a struggle. Which category do you fall in?

There are apparent differences in these two different types of people that I have noticed over my 25 years in practice. Now you might think that happy people are not really happy, “No one can truly be happy, right?” This could be true, but really it is about choice. The same is true to those who struggle. The struggle starts from the inside, how they think and therefore how they act.  This struggle is supported by pride.

According to author John Maxwell, there are five negative traits that support this inner struggle; they are blame, denial, closed mindedness, rigidity, insecurity and isolation. Blame is used towards others so not to take personal responsibility when things are not working in one’s favor. Denial is often used instead of facing reality and being realistic and objective. Close- mindedness supports a defensive stance on issues presented and opposition to new ideas. Rigidity, instead of flexibility, is the “my way or the highway” person.  Insecurity causes people to self inflate at the same time deflate others to feel better about themselves, often taking credit for success and blame others when they fail. Isolation is often the case – instead of being connected, pride pulls them away from families, friends and community. To truly own your life and your circumstance, humility has to play a part. Pride wants to stamp out humility so be prepared to work on these traits if any resonate with you.  We can all grow and learn; it starts with acknowledgement and then learning. Ask yourself the following questions to see what areas you might want to work on.

1. Do you think you know it all?

2. Do you need to always be in charge?

3. Do you believe you never fail?

4. Do you think that no one can do the job like you?

5. Do you get upset at what others achieve?

6. Do you sometimes think that rules don’t apply to you?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, not to worry.  Most people should at least answer yes to one; that is why there are conflicts in the workplace, at home and with friends. Only you can make a change. No one is responsible for your happiness except for you. No one is responsible for your success or failure expect for you. And no one is responsible for your relationships except for you.

Author John Bradshaw speaks of these traits in those who have come from a dysfunctional upbringing that transfers into other areas of their lives, caused by learned thinking and therefore behavior.  Over the years as an employer I have seen how people bring these beliefs that cause conflict in the workplace. As a counselor I see how these same beliefs keep people stuck and not enjoying the many blessing life has to offer. Where do you stand?  Today is a new day, make it a great one!

Karen Hourtovenko - Nurse Practitioner, Certified Master Life Coach, MBA, Psy. B  – Life Zone Coaching and Consulting

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